There Are Surrender Monkeys In The Colorado GOP
Just when you thought we were safe from Surrender Monkeys, the little rascals keep coming back. What do we have to fear from these monkeys? Only, the future of our nation and Democracy itself. You see these Surrender Monkeys want to stop the perpetual wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. End the vast empire the U.S. has made across the globe. These monkeys seem to think that spending 1 trillion dollars of money we don’t have, incurring thousands of deaths and wounds to our nation’s armed forces, and killing hundreds of thousands of civilians may actually be a detriment to our nation’s defense . Crazy monkeys.
It is because ofthese cheese eating frenchy ideas that Josh Penry, Senatorial candidate Jane Norton’s campaign advisor, offered this strategic analysis in an email to Ross Kaminsky in which he wrote, “The 22 percent who dislike John McCain almost universally agree with McCain and Norton on the war – and thus disagree with the Surrender Monkey wing of the Ron Paul movement that Buck has shown sympathies to.”
Could Ken Buck be a Surrender Monkey too? He is on record that nation building should not be our job in Afghanistan. I’ve also heard rumor from an unreliable source that he eats cheese on occasion and is quite the fan of Jerry Lewis. The Norton campaign will have to keep an eye on him.
How can we Coloradans become more aware of the Surrender Monkeys? First we have to know how to recognize the Surrender Monkey. Using key intelligence gathered from the Penry strategy email I recognized that Surrender Monkeys have a common trait. They like Ron Paul.
Fortunately, these Surrender Monkeys don’t blend in all that well and are easy to spot. Look for Ron Paul bumper stickers and signs, Revolution t-shirts, pocket constitutions, and Austrian economic textbooks.
Don’t be taken aback by their normal everyday American appearance. These people are dangerous. With their knowledge of history and the founding documents, they can easily sway the “Penry” type of Republican into thinking Thomas Jefferson and George Washington might of had a point with their non-interventionist foreign policy ideals. Wait a minute…was Washington and Jefferson Surrender Monkeys too? I’d better call up the Texas School Board and get them to check their history books.
Where can we find these Ron Paul Surrender Monkeys? Everywhere. Apparently these monkeys have already infiltrated our neighborhoods, communities, and GOP precincts in large numbers. They commonly congregate in groups near Tea Party rallies, Austrian economic forums, anti-war demonstrations, End The Fed protests, and the Eiffel Tower.
When you come across a Surrender Monkey be very cautious. They are tricky and will try to use logic, facts, and reason to convince you that war isn’t always the answer. Pay no attention to their arguments and just tell them that sooner or later all the spilt blood and treasure will pay off….in a few more decades. Tell them to be patient and have faith in our nation building ways. Do not attempt to use any facts or evidence to convince them on the successes of empires because frankly there aren’t any to use. Just remember to try to convince them that our wise overlords have it all under control and all will be well.
If they resist the pull of the neo-con side, report them to your nearest GOP precinct captain so they can identify them on the voter rolls. This way Josh Penry and the Norton campaign will feel so much safer knowing where these Surrender Monkeys live.
Chuck Moe is a Contributing Author at People’s Press Collective, Your Source for Colorado Politics
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